A neuro-affirming approach also belongs to autistic people with higher support needs

There is a painful divide within the autistic community. On one side, many autistic people advocate for the neurodiversity paradigm and want autism to stop being seen only as a disorder, because they experience it as a different way of perceiving the world. On the other, many people speak from the experience of caring for an autistic person with high support needs, and of how demanding and painful that reality can be compared with the lives of autistic people who are able to live independently.

This conflict is particularly sad because people on both sides feel hurt and misunderstood, and struggle to find a way towards one another, even though they should be united and moving forward together. I believe both sides could learn so much by opening themselves to the experience of the other.

The neurodiversity paradigm and neuro-affirming approaches are enabling autistic people to raise their voices, express what they truly need and ask for respect, rather than having to follow the rules of a society that so often fails to listen to them. The difficulty is that neuro-affirming approaches can sometimes appear not to fit with the difficulties experienced by autistic people who need constant support or depend heavily on others. Those who care for them, including their parents, may feel exhausted and misunderstood. They may also feel anger and injustice when they cannot see their reality reflected in the neurodiversity movement, or when their pain and day-to-day experience do not seem to be acknowledged.

So how can we bring these two perspectives together? In my view, a bridge is still missing between the different parts of the autistic community. We need to learn to see what connects them rather than what separates them. Autistic people with lower support needs can play a wonderful role: drawing on their own experience, they can help others whose voices are not heard to be better understood.

Although an autistic person diagnosed as level 1 may not experience the same difficulties as a person at level 3, the basis of both their difficulties and their suffering is the same. There are often difficulties fitting into society or communicating, as well as overwhelm, shutdowns, meltdowns and an intense sensitivity in the way the world is perceived or felt. These experiences exist across the spectrum.

It is time to build bridges: for autistic people with lower support needs to turn towards those who need more support, connect with them, recognise what they share and help society understand them better. And for parents of children with greater difficulties to be able to draw on that valuable knowledge in order to understand their children and connect with them more deeply.

I believe we are missing an important opportunity to join forces in defending the rights of both children and adults, whatever challenges they face. It is a shame that the experience of autistic people with lower support needs is not used more often in schools and other settings where different kinds of therapy and support are provided. They may be able to connect with autistic people who have high support needs in a way that no one else can. Their lived experience can offer unique insight into what another autistic person may be going through, feeling or affected by.

The autistic community needs to make an effort to support and include the perspectives of all autistic people, including those who cannot express themselves, while family members and caregivers need to embrace the first-hand wisdom and knowledge they receive, which are extremely valuable for understanding their children. Rather than confronting one another within the autistic community, I hope its members will increasingly join forces so that the rights and needs of all autistic people and their families are respected. In this way, we will have a neuro-affirming approach that includes everyone.